Two Years Later.

Today marks the 2nd anniversary, if you want to call it an anniversary, of Meghan's passing. 

A lot has happened since then, but it still feels like yesterday when she was laughing and smiling at Grandma Bradley's birthday party...and of course, Grandma B and Uncle Chuck are gone now too.
I'm glad that birthday party happened; who knew that it would be the last one with all of them attending?

At the time, when my family was going through all of these losses, I remember thinking to myself that it was reaching the point of the ridiculous...3 funerals within such a short time. Multiple losses like that just don't happen, do they?

Since then, I've changed jobs and work at a hospice. I am sad to report that, yes, it does in fact happen to others as well.  I couldn't have more empathy for them.

This posting isn't meant to be a sad one; I'd rather it be more like a reflection back on where my family has been, and hope that they are doing okay coming out the other side. Not perfect, but okay.

Multiple losses are mind numbing, heart wrenching, infuriating and you never quite see them coming. It is truly a time when all the cliched expressions coming flying out at you, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" or "God doesn't give you more than you can handle".  I grew to hate those expressions even though I know people's intentions were good in offering them.

As spring is more firmly planted (pun, pun), and the flowers are out, I'm purposely wanting to take a bit of time with friends and family...and yes, the little flowers too. :)

So...as I get ready for work, and I wait to get a big bill for a new furnace, I am forcing myself to try to keep calm and to remember that last big family birthday party so that I appreciate all the things I have to be grateful for... you know who you are.

XoXo,
Lisa

P.S. Meg, I picked the Gerber flowers for you.

I'm still here!

I can't believe how time flies! Apologies for not writing on here for so long but a lot has been going on.

Since I last wrote, I changed jobs and am now working at a local hospice. Hard work but good work.

On top of that, I sold my cute little condo last fall and moved into a bit of a fixer-upper house during the winter. It is a lot of work but it is coming along beautifully.

Although I'm not planning on moving any time soon, I take great comfort in all the time (& funds) I'm spending on it because I think it is a great investment property for me. Barring WWIII, this house will only increase in value with any work I do on it.

Kawaii is LOVING the yard and Tucker is thoroughly enjoying the big window, stairs and half walls. All in all, it has the furkids' stamps of approval! :)

I'd better get back to work!

Toodles,

Lisa

And Now What?

It has been one week and one day since Glenda and I finished the Shopper's Drug Mart Weekend to End Women's Cancers 60 km Walk on behalf of my cousin Meghan.

How do you sum up the experience? It's impossible to cover everything and there are also some things that are felt inside that are too personal or too painful to post. Instead, I'll stick with the basics with a bit of the personal or else I won't get through writing this.

Glenda and her family picked me up on Friday evening after work. Glenda's husband Mike drove (thanks Mike) us to Milestone's in Mississauga first for a nice dinner out. I haven't been to a Milestone's in years, but I have to say, they make a tasty Shirley Temple. Liam, Glenda's son, and I had one. Don't knock it until you try it. They are tasty ;)

We were all getting tired so made our way to the Sheraton in Toronto. After being confused by having no face clothes, only 1 bath towel and 6 hand towels, we went to sleep in our nice, snuggly beds. :) Swish, swish, with my feet in the soft sheets. Thankfully Glenda didn't make any bed bug jokes until after we had left the hotel or I wouldn't have slept at all! No worries, there were no bugs or bites.

Day 1:

We got up at about 4 am Saturday morning to get ready for the 6 am bus that would be coming to the hotel to pick up the walkers and take them to the meeting area on the CNE grounds. Note to the Sheraton: Any chance of more than one coffee packet per person? Just sayin'

The bus filled up quickly with sleepy people chattering away. People were dressed in all different shades of pink. Their hair was coloured, some faces were painted, and some even had little cheers and songs. I needed a second coffee before singing could even be considered lol.

It was a bit confusing at the CNE. Volunteers were directing us this way and that way to drop off our bags at the vans, there were lots of tents and line ups everywhere and although there were banners around, sometimes it was hard to tell where all the designated areas were. Eventually, we got the bags taken care of so that we could go find some breakfast. That was my priority of course hahaha.

I was contacted by a Sheridan student that is making a documentary film about Meg and her friends and family. She wanted to film me as the Walk began. I'm fast...but with 4,632 people in this event, the chances of my getting to the front of the start line were slim. Besides, I didn't want to be pushing passed people. Instead, during the welcome message, warm up and cheering session before the walk started, I positioned myself as best as I could so that I would be on the outside edge of the crowd, and towards the front of the crowd so that maybe she could spot me. I think it worked, although I'm not sure how good of a shot she got. She and her classmate did spot me and I waved but the crowd around me was pretty big. Ah, well, I tried.

As we walked along, there were cheering stations outside of the Shopper's Drug Mart locations. Shopper's was the key sponsor of the walk and I think they did a good job. There were stations along the way for drinks, snacks and washroom breaks. They gave out stickers for people to put on their ID cards. At first, I didn't want any of the stickers but I changed my mind. They'd make nice momentos on the IDs.

The sequence of walking, break, walking, break, walking, break went on for two full days through sun and cloud. I know everyone gives credit to the walkers, but I have to say, that those volunteers along the route were amazing. They directed traffic, served refreshments, cheered people up, offered encouraging words, jokes and sillies. They decorated their motorcycles, vans and even their moustaches to cheer others up and onward.

The most encouraging part though wasn't anything official; it was the homemade cheering and refreshment stands that people made on their front lawns! Whole families were outside with cookies, juice, and even beer at one stand, to cheer the walkers on. It was really, really touching. Glenda and I had some awesome biscotti along the way! Mmmmmm homemade biscotti!

I took photos as we passed through some of the different neighbourhoods. I really loved seeing the variety of the different districts - the Italian neighbourhoods (mmmm biscotti), the Jewish neighbourhoods with people dressed up and returning home after temple, the Asian business district with all the restaurants and nail shops, the Gay district with their interesting window displays, etc. I HAVE to share this funny moment. As we walked along, we passed by a couple shops with mannequins in the window dressed in leather outfits, then about a minute later Glenda pipes up, "I think we're in the gay district." LOL! I couldn't help replying, "Really?! Didn't the mannequins in the leather bikini bottoms and chaps give it away?" :oD Heehee, sorry G. It was a funny moment!

The walk wasn't divided into 30 kms each day but 32 kms on the first day and 28 kms on the second. It wasn't a figment of our imagination that day 1 felt longer, it really was.

The last couple kilometres of day 1 were long. Really long. Over bumpy terrain. On dirt roads. That is where Glenda's blister burst. Ouch! It sucks to have a blister...it sucks more when you still have another whole day of walking to do. My bad knee was being touchy too but was still workable thankfully.

Saturday evening we arrived at the camp. There was a large tent for a makeshift cafeteria of sorts with smaller tents all around it. Off to the back of the camp were rows and rows of blue pup tents. We were tent B130. The bags had been dropped off already according to van colour for people to pick up and take back to their tents. Correction: They even had volunteers to carry your bags to your tent. Nice touch :)

During the walk, Glenda & I had run into a couple Guelph girls (small world!) and had eaten dinner with them and then we all got spray on pink ribbon tattoos.

Glenda and I, being the 'old ladies', decided to crash early, and crash we did. After a thorough A535 rub down (me of my knee and Glenda of her feet and legs), our tent reeked of menthol! I think we got a little punchy, or maybe we were high on A535, because we were giggling quite a bit. ;o)

With all the exercise and fresh air (relatively speaking), we must have fallen asleep in seconds once the music died down and it got dark. Out ...like...a ...light.

The rest however was temporary. Around 1am I woke up to the faint sound of crinkling. It sounded like someone was opening a bag of chips, and I thought, "Why is Glenda eating chips in the middle of the night?" It was dark and I didn't have my glasses on but when I looked I saw that she was trying to get one of the Mylar blankets unfolded. Her side of the tent was soaked! Despite putting a tarp over our tent, the heavy downpour of rain that arrived late that night was seeping in. Poor Glenda woke up to a wet under mat, sleeping bag and even pajamas :( Not nice at all. I got up and between the two of us, we got her a dry place to sleep between two Mylar blankets and an extra fleecy blanket I had brought along.

I was worried that she'd get chilled after getting wet and wouldn't be able to get back to sleep, but luckily she did. Although it wasn't a good night, it would have been a whole lot worse for Day 2 if we hadn't slept the second part of the night.

Day 2:

We woke up and weren't as achy as we had been the night before, so we toddled off to the showers at about 4-4:30 am to get cleaned up before the crowd woke up. The showers were in trailers and had high pressure water. Sure, we lost a layer of skin ;) but at least it was warm and refreshing.

Breakfast was fine, although I was concerned about what I was going to eat. Because there were so many walkers understandably portions had to be watched to make sure there was enough food to go around. But some of the food like bacon, I don't eat, so I was worried when I thought that all I would get was a banana and 1 silver dollar pancake. 1 pancake is not going to be enough to tide me over on a normal day, let alone when I will be walking for 28 kms. Nope, just won't make it. The nice volunteer in the food line felt bad for me and snuck me an extra pancake. :) Yay! Later too I found some oatmeal (double yay)!

We started out slower on day 2. Our goal wasn't to be silly and kill ourselvesat a crazy fast pace but to ensure that we finished. Day 2 did go faster. Yes, it was a few kms shorter than day 1, but I think we were just more focused on the steps we were taking and less on the surroundings. I did take more pics along the way, but I'd say day 2 was more subdued. We stoped when we needed to, took Tylenol when we needed to and restarted as soon as we could. What we found was that the longer the breaks on day 2, the stiffer we were getting restarted, so I think we took as many breaks but they were shorter. We had more of a "get'er done" attitude at that point.

I had my knee wrapped and I think that helped trememndously, but Glenda was walking with shin splints and A535 could only do so much. Ouch! But she kept trucking along despite it.

A lot of day 2 is a blur not because I wasn't paying attention but because we didn't have a map of the route at all AND it was the same group of volunteers cheering us along on the streets and in their cars, so it was sometimes hard to tell one place from another because we kept seeing the same people repeatedly. They were great though.

A few kilometres from the CNE, crowds, including our families, were lined up celebrating the arrival of all the walkers. The Princes' Gate at the CNE is a wonderful location for both a starting line and finishing line. Seeing those soaring arches with the angel on top reaching up to the sky was beautiful! It brought tears to my eyes as we approached it and made our way into the CNE grounds. Pink banners, flags and balloons scattered around but all we could think of was our families...and there they were with hugs, tears and words of pride and congratulations were all around us.

I was relieved to have completed it but also a little sad that it was done. I wish I could have bottled that feeling. It was overwhelming.

Glenda's family took her home and my parents drove me back to Guelph. On the way, I chatted with Aunt Marg on the phone. I wish so much that Meghan could have had the chance to do the walk. She would have relished it in all its ups and downs - wet tent, rationed pancakes and all ;)

Looking Ahead:

The goal was to complete the walk on behalf of Meghan and we did that.

Maybe we are a little nuts, but we have already signed up for the 2011 Walk, but at least we have a whole year to get ready for it. Sure, we'll do things a little differently but we'll do it.

By this time next year, we'll have walked 240 kms! Better get the foot massages ready!

The Day Before

It is Friday, the day before the walk, and Glenda & I are finishing up the final details of prep for the Walk.

We are going out for dinner with Glenda's family this evening & we'll hit the hay early so that we'll be rested for the 6 am shuttle bus. Hope there is coffee :D

My biggest issue is figuring out what to carry with me on the walk (mini pack) & what to put in my other bag that will be transported in the van from the starting point to the stop over/camping area on Saturday evening. I'm sure we'll end up spreading everything out on our beds tonight & repacking things again.

In case you are wondering , Kawaii is off for a weekend at the cottage with some friends and her doggy boyfriend, Jag. She loves him, & he ignores her so I'm sure it will be quite funny for Linda & Mike to watch Kawaii flirt endlessly with her much older beau.

Tucker will be staying with my parents while I'm at the Walk, so he'll just sleep, eat and hang out there.

I'm a little nervous & excited about the Walk. Normal, I suppose under the circumstances. My brain feels full with all the little details to remember. If I forget something, hopefully it isn't anything major and I'll just buy a replacement along the way.

I wonder if our tent will be pink :) I'm not really a pink type person but admit that I have a couple pink tops that I'll be wearing on the walk. It just seems appropriate.

I won't have access to the Internet during the walk, but will likely send a couple text messages throughout the walk to family & friends. Keep an eye on my FB page b/c some of them might get posted there for me.

Thank you all for your support! Can't wait to get walking!

Lisa

P.S. Nope, that's not me in the pic ;)

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock...

Today is Saturday, September 4, 2010, the first day of the Labour Day long weekend. It's raining outside - again. I went for a 2km walk despite the rain but my head is pounding with a headache. I always seem to get headaches when there are storms around.

As of today, I've surpassed my fundraising goal and am sitting at $2,092.59. I'm completely relieved. Glenda reached her goal of $2,000 as well and so we're both fine for being able to walk the 60 km on Sept. 11 &12/10.

I'm taking a brief break from painting my living room to write this update. My living room is a lovely creamy butter yellow with white trim, and my newly painted bathroom is a soft robin's egg blue with white trim. I love how they look! Bright but soothing :) I still have to figure out what colour to do the bedroom - maybe a soft green?

I've been keeping up with my walking and training and have likely inadvertently dropped a pound or two this summer. Don't worry, not much, but enough to feel slightly more streamlined LOL!

Later this afternoon, I have to go shopping to pick up a new pair of running shoes. I'll have the week to break them in a bit before the big walk.

Glenda & I will be heading to Toronto the evening before the walk so that we don't have to commute in the morning. Good idea Glenda ;o) I just hope that we have good weather so that we don't suffer too much out in the elements.

I can't believe that it is almost time for the walk. Time has just flown by. It has been 4 months since Meg passed away. So much has happened since then and yet, I'm sure her family, Adam & her friends still expect to have her call or visit them. I miss her 'pokes' on Facebook and just don't have the heart to delete her happy birthday wishes she sent to me this April.

Time flies...not necessarily when you are having fun, it just flies ... no matter what is going on.

Meg's brother got married to a lovely young lady who was a friend of Meg's. It was a beautiful wedding and I'm sure everyone felt her presence there that day. It was a happy day, as it should have been. I have no doubt that Meg would have had a great time there too. :)

Life is far too short. Personally, I think the best way to honour someone's memory is to enjoy life as much as the other person would have. Meg would have loved being at her brother's wedding, and her family enjoyed the day themselves as much as she would have. I'm excited and a little nervous about doing the Walk, but I'm sure that Meg would have felt similarly.

It's about living the best life you can. Life is full of challenges, joys, and yes, some tough times. For loved ones that are left behind after someone has passed away, it shouldn't be about living a life of mourning. Find the joy, seek the challenges and push through difficulties. Life is too short to live any other way.

Take a moment and think of something you've always wanted to do but were too nervous, too scared, too busy or too unsure to do. Is it really impossible? Close your eyes and imagine yourself doing it. Where would you be? How would you feel if you actually succeeded in doing it? What emotions would you feel at that moment?

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." Ferris Bueller's Day Off, 1986.

Appreciation of a little thing called health

Oopsy, this was supposed to be a July update, but instead it is an August 1st update. To make up for not posting much recently, this posting will be a little longer than previous ones.

On this sunny Sunday, I'm happy to report that I've reached $1,405.59 of my $2,000 goal. Only $594.41 more to go! LOL! Some of you may be wondering why there is such an uneven number for the balance. Well, I have friends in other countries that have made donations and so with the currency conversions, there are some odd looking numbers in my donation list. I'm not complaining one iota - every penny (even a converted one) counts!

Physically, I feel pretty darn good and have no doubts about completing the 60 km. I wasn't starting from scratch getting fit for this, so luckily, it has really been more about increasing the distances and speeds that I normally walk.

A couple nights ago, I took Kawaii out for a long night walk. It was a gorgeous evening, cool and crisp with a slight breeze. K was as bouncy as a puppy enjoying the fresh air, when a couple joggers went by us. She pulled slightly against her leash wanting to run and catch up to them.

Admittedly, I haven't done much in the way of running or jogging over the last 10 months with her because I've been trying to recover after a nasty knee injury with my right knee. So although I've been walking steadily over the last few months, prior to that, I've actually been hobbling on all our walks and in quite a bit of pain.

Anyways, it was such a nice evening, and she seemed so eager on wanting to pick up speed that I decided to do a gentle little jog with her, nothing big, but a slight pace increase. It felt great... I started very gently, a bit tentatively at first, but as we continued along, I noticed that my knee felt pretty good.

I increased the speed a bit more, then a bit more, and finally, I was running full tilt for the first time in almost a year! Kawaii ran ahead of me (of course), repeatedly turning back to look at me, as if encouraging me by smiling. Her tongue flapping in the wind out of the side of her mouth & she was running backwards in front of me, like a happy, little bootcamp trainer showing off. She looked thrilled and I have to admit ... I was too.

We went like that only for about 1 km; I didn't want to risk re-injuring my knee so close to the September Walk, but still, it was wonderful to feel 'able' again. Maybe my knee isn't 100% healed, as it still does hurt if I make a misstep, but I'll take it.

Health is something that we all take too much for granted. When we blow out the candles on a birthday cake, we wish for things like winning the lottery, finding a good job, meeting someone special, going on a vacation, but really, if you aren't well and are in pain daily, how much would you be able to enjoy any of those other wishes coming true? As people age, aches and pains develop, and for the most part, we don't question them; we just mark it as part of getting older. For many people though, they don't get the lucky luxury of waiting until they are older to start thinking about & worrying about their health and well being.

Here is a very simple and common example. As a child, my asthma was a pain in the butt. I seemed to get sick more than other kids. I don't know if I got sick more often, but illnesses seemed to go into my chest fairly often, exacerbating other symptoms, so I always seemed to be sick longer than other kids, and I think I often missed more school because of it. I can remember the doctor telling my mom and I that, although I could play some sports, I'd likely never be able to do anything that involved endurance because of my asthma. Those words always rang in my ears, "...[I'd] never be able to...".

For those of you who don't know me, I really don't care to be told that I'll never be able to do anything ;o) So consciously, or subconsciously, I've worked very hard to be able to prove that statement (& others) wrong. Haha, my dad says I have the Bradley stubborn streak. Don't get me wrong, everyone has limitations, and I'm certainly not claiming to have Iron(wo)man status, but goodness, I'm no slouch either. lol!

When I hurt my knee badly last fall, I panicked. I thought (Excuse the language), "Shit! I've finally reached my goal of being healthy and fit, and now this!" My doctor told me to stay off my knee as much as possible. I did cut back on several things that I love like playing badminton & walking Humane Society dogs, and stepping away from these broke my heart.

Out of necessity, I HAD to keep walking Kawaii...I live in an apartment; there were no other options if I wanted her to remain healthy and well behaved in my home, so I kept walking her despite the Dr telling me not to...and it hurt! Man, it hurt!

Every bump I walked over, any tug she gave on the leash, just sent stabbing pains though my knee, but I kept walking because I had to. Kawaii needed me to and it was as simple as that. I wrapped my swollen knee daily, icing it multiple times a day, including at work, and trying all sorts of pain relief rubs and prescription anti-inflammatory medications. I hobbled up and down stairs at work, at my parents' house and anywhere else I had to go, letting others pass me by... it hurt like hell. Hehe, I hate having other people pass me. Damn, I'm just too competitive! ;op

During many of these painful walks, I often thought of Meghan. I knew she was in pain too...but feeling far more discomfort than I was - yet she kept going. Knowing that, I told myself repeatedly to just shut up & keep going.

I am sure that on September 11 & 12 my knee will likely hurt again...and I am sure that many, many people will pass me along the way, but I plan to do exactly what I've been doing for the last 10 months...

"Lisa, just shut up & keep going."

And Counting...

I'm back from a trip to the cottage this past weekend. It was nice to get away and have a bit of a break from everything. Sometimes you can feel overwhelmed, as if everything and everyone is in perpetual motion, and you need to find some way to press the pause button on life to try to catch your breath.

The cottage is a good place for that. Sure, the names of the neighbours may have changed a little over the years, but still, when you go up there, you feel like you are tucked away in a special place, that time and perhaps the rest of the world has forgotten about. You can avoid a lot of the 'outside' noise of daily life, your worries, your heartaches, and your stresses ... and instead you curl up on the lumpy old couch with a tattered old book, sip a cup a tea in your pjs, listen to the sound of the waves, or if you're feeling a bit daring, you can play a rousing game of cards.

It's about getting back to basics, getting back to the simple things and getting back in touch with nature.

I wish I could have stayed up longer, but a long weekend will have to do. Too bad I can't bottle the coziness of the cottage.

For those of you heading up to cottage country later:

*The deerflies were slightly vicious this weekend and hunted me down on my walks on the cottage road. No mosquitos to speak of though so I'll take it.

***Watch out for mama turkey and her babies!! My dog Kawaii spotted the turkey and chicks (what do you call baby turkeys?) on the cottage property so we got an up-close look. Later they were crossing the driveway of the cottage when my mom was pulling in, so drive slowly and carefully because they blend in very well to the foliage. The babies would be helpless at this young age if anything happened to their mother, and I have to say, she doesn't seem to be the brightest star in the sky ;o) Pretty, yes, but bright, not so much. I'm no hunter but even I could have gotten them, and that's not saying much. So cottagers, drive carefully!

As for a Sept 11 & 12, 2010 Walk Update: I'm sitting at slightly over $600 raised (thank you all!), so I have a loooooooong way to go to reach the minimum required to do the 60 km Walk in September. I know this is only June, but I'm getting nervous that I won't raise the minimum $2000 to do Meg's Walk for her.

Well, I have to get ready for work tomorrow, so I'll sign off here.

G'night everyone.

Lisa